I have never been a big fan of new “trendy” words used to describe things in therapy. Imposter syndrome, trigger, serial monogamy, etc. I prefer the less trendy childhood trauma, cause, relationship issues and questions to find the root of thoughts and behaviors.

Many people feel that their inability to be who they are started in their own minds and beliefs. In all the years I have been in mental health counseling, I have never, not even once, found that to be a true statement.

The thoughts and beliefs that people have about themselves started when someone else made them feel or think something negative about themselves through words, actions, or no words, and no actions. They were conditioned to believe these things about themselves.

This conditioning done at very early ages is then internalized and carried on into every aspect of life that follows.

The words of negativity become ingrained in the mind and then in the belief and then in the behavior. People live out what others have caused them to feel and believe.

Even if they go through life having success, being smart, looking amazing, they still feel that they are not that person but the one with all the voices in their head who can’t be successful, who isn’t smart enough to do big things, who never looks good enough. And the lies, if unprocessed, are always far louder than the truth.

So what is the truth? Who are you? It can be very difficult to find that person as many times you never met them. The childhood trauma started so early, it is the only person you know.

Who do you want to be? If you could be anything, do anything, think anything who would that person be?

If you examine the truths in your life you can find out more about who you truly are. What are your successes? When have you been smart? When have you done big things? When do you look amazing? What have you overcome? What have other people noticed about you that you continually fail to see or believe?

It is not going to be easy to dig that person out of the lies. And once again, there is only one way on the path to truth. Repetition and reinforcement. Constantly repeating the positive, the true, the things you want to be, and reinforcing them in words, writing, thoughts, actions. And doing this again, and again, and again for as long as it takes to replace the lies that currently reside in your head.

The path also includes a side quest, acknowledgement. Recognizing and addressing where these lies started. How old were you, who said them, in what ways were they reinforced in your mind by others and by yourself. Acknowledging that YOU did not start these lies. They are not yours. And you do not have to keep living them.

Who are you…..let go of fear and find out.

Until next time be well,

Deborah