consequences

Deborah Horton

Consequences

Photo by Bradyn Trollip on Unsplash

During the course of therapy, clients are often confronted with making choices. Often times, they will assume that a choice that is good for them has no consequences. The reality is that every single choice we make has consequences. Whether the choice is good or bad does not matter, the consequence still exists.

In making good choices, there are of course opportunities for good consequences. If we have been abusing alcohol and we choose to stop drinking, good consequences of better health, clearer minds, longer lives possibly arise. But there can be bad consequences as well such as withdrawal symptoms, loss of relationships with those who continue to abuse alcohol, and possibly switching addictions to something else.

When clients start to change through therapy and decide that they want things in their lives to change as well, these are good choices. However, they come with consequences. Loss of relationships with people whose behaviors towards us we can no longer tolerate. Changes in other relationships due to installation of boundaries. Loss of relationship can even include divorce. Loss or change of job if the job is a source of some of the issues for which we came to therapy. Moving to a different home or even state after relationships end.

Even if choices are good for us and move us forward and away from our trauma, there are always consequences. Good and bad consequences. Many times, if this is not reinforced by the therapist, clients will feel as if they were not fully informed about what therapy can cause in their lives. Each therapist should take the time to explain, more than once, that the changes clients are making come with consequences. Good ones and bad ones.

Frank discussions should also take place when clients are unable to make good choices for themselves to discover what is standing in their way. For almost all of my clients, it is fear that keeps them from making good choices. Fear of the very consequences discussed above. Fear of change. Fear of ending up alone. Fear of people being upset with their boundaries. Fear keeps them stuck. Fear causes them to choose not to make good choices but even that is a choice. The consequence for no choice is no change.

When deciding to make choices, we should also take the time to consider the consequences. Good and bad. For every single choice, good or bad. And then to evaluate our ability to accept them. To make a plan for acceptance and response. They will come every single time and it is better to be mentally prepared for what comes with them.

“Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences.” ~ Norman Cousins

Deborah Horton

Choices

Almost everything we do involves choices. There are few exceptions – breathing, blinking being the main ones. Most everything else involves a choice of some kind. Even choosing not to make a choice is a choice.

We choose whether or not to allow our thoughts to become our realities. We choose to accept and believe or not the messages we get from outside sources. By the way, every single thought (message) we tell ourselves came from an outside source. We were not born with them and we did not create them on our own.

We decide whether or not we allow our past to be our present. We decide whether or not we allow our fear of the future to be our present. We decide whether or not we are happy or sad. We decide whether or not we are full of fear or calm. We decide whether or not we get out of bed or stay in it. We decide. We always decide.

Many clients tell me that their choices are made for them. They say they are made by their past, they are made by their thoughts, they are made by their emotions. Those things influence only. They are the background noise. The choice – the this way or that – the yes or no – the remain the same or change – the fear or the calm – the choice is always, always made by the person. Always.

So how do we make different choices than the ones that have caused us to remain stuck in our own personal quicksand? We have to recognize the choice for what it is. Do not shift the responsibility to your past, your thoughts, your emotions or to other people. Say to yourself, this is my choice – do this or do that, say this or say that, think this or think that, remain the same or change, be afraid or be calm. Whatever the choice is, recognize it, name it, analyze the consequences, and make a choice.

And then be prepared to accept the consequences. There are always consequences for every choice we make. Good or bad, there is always a price to pay, always. You have to be prepared to accept it and accept responsibility for it. If you choose to remain in the same place, accept that nothing about your situation will change. If you choose to think negatively, accept that your reality, your truth, will be negative. If you choose to change, accept that your situation will become different. Notice I did not say better, that is up to the change your choose. If you choose to leave a toxic relationship, the other person will no longer be in your life. You will have to accept that consequence. If you choose to let go of your past, you will have to accept the consequence that you will no longer have that as a constant in your life – you will become a different person.

Choices are not easy. We don’t always make the right ones. But as long as you are still breathing, you can always make another choice. You may have to make the same choices over and over if you fall back into old patterns. But you can always make another choice.

What choices will you make today?

Until next time,
Deborah

I am accepting new clients (women and girls) for counseling. If you would like to make an appointment for a FREE initial consultation appointment call 406-413-9904 email mindfulmontanawellness@gmail.com or click the Book Now button on Facebook