During the course of therapy, clients are often confronted with making choices. Often times, they will assume that a choice that is good for them has no consequences. The reality is that every single choice we make has consequences. Whether the choice is good or bad does not matter, the consequence still exists.
In making good choices, there are of course opportunities for good consequences. If we have been abusing alcohol and we choose to stop drinking, good consequences of better health, clearer minds, longer lives possibly arise. But there can be bad consequences as well such as withdrawal symptoms, loss of relationships with those who continue to abuse alcohol, and possibly switching addictions to something else.
When clients start to change through therapy and decide that they want things in their lives to change as well, these are good choices. However, they come with consequences. Loss of relationships with people whose behaviors towards us we can no longer tolerate. Changes in other relationships due to installation of boundaries. Loss of relationship can even include divorce. Loss or change of job if the job is a source of some of the issues for which we came to therapy. Moving to a different home or even state after relationships end.
Even if choices are good for us and move us forward and away from our trauma, there are always consequences. Good and bad consequences. Many times, if this is not reinforced by the therapist, clients will feel as if they were not fully informed about what therapy can cause in their lives. Each therapist should take the time to explain, more than once, that the changes clients are making come with consequences. Good ones and bad ones.
Frank discussions should also take place when clients are unable to make good choices for themselves to discover what is standing in their way. For almost all of my clients, it is fear that keeps them from making good choices. Fear of the very consequences discussed above. Fear of change. Fear of ending up alone. Fear of people being upset with their boundaries. Fear keeps them stuck. Fear causes them to choose not to make good choices but even that is a choice. The consequence for no choice is no change.
When deciding to make choices, we should also take the time to consider the consequences. Good and bad. For every single choice, good or bad. And then to evaluate our ability to accept them. To make a plan for acceptance and response. They will come every single time and it is better to be mentally prepared for what comes with them.
“Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences.” ~ Norman Cousins
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